


To Give Freely and To Be Held

by Nefervalia



Category: Compelled Dual (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, M/M, Shifting 1st Person POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29438826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nefervalia/pseuds/Nefervalia
Summary: Zed Stonebloom is off on his own, yet again. He volunteered his Bounty Hunter services to look into rumors of hidden secrets of Leo's father held at an old city within Astraria. However, as Leo is busy organizing support for his cause, and Eleanora is taking a bigger role in Torduun, he's truly on his own for the first time after meeting the strange personality of Leo Valcyne. Yet as recurring night dreams continue, and he has no one to travel alongside, he will soon find out that like it was before he met him, life PLV (Post Leo Valcyne) is not all it's cut out to be.Fenandrys Tormaer is doing his duties, diligently. He swears! It's just hard keeping up with it all when Phi disappears at random times of the day, and he is just thinking about how he can protect his friend, and his charge, while she is hardly available. The strange dreams he has whenever he trances definitely does not help his case. When more truths regarding Phi's secretive actions happen, what will Fen find himself doing? How will he respond when all is not as it seems and his world and love for his country is turned upside down?Note: This is my first fanfic ever, set few months after ep 11, with no knowledge of what comes after in the show.
Relationships: Phi Valcyne/Kalessa Petris, Zed Stonebloom/Fenandrys Tormaer
Kudos: 2





	1. Alone

My eyes open, and wind whistles by. Hues of green and blue encompass me, as I take in the beauty of the sun’s fall past the trees, as the fading grass around me whips back and forth. I hear the songs of nature continue on around me, and I breathe in the fresh air untainted by civilization, dirt, and decay. It’s these days that I love my job as a bounty hunter. It’s much better than being cramped in the small beds of a hotel room anyways, though I can pretty much sleep anywhere. I close my eyes and listen for the eventual noise and laughter coming from the other parts of the trio, waiting for them to make the inevitable cackle that ends all the sounds of nature, and then I join in, but it never comes. It’s nearing night time and I am alone. The owl’s hoot, and the crickets crick goes unimpeded, and the times of old return to me again. Right, I am a bounty hunter, we tend to do our jobs alone.  
Leo and I eventually parted ways, temporarily of course, as he continued forward with his plans in Astraria, with help from Torduun, and the Ashthornes, Eleanora heading the duo, leading the entire march. It should take a month or so, for the entire expedition to actually make an entrance, but the propaganda has begun. I, however, have a mission of information. Now, I don’t know too much about any of Leo’s family drama, yet I am the one who “volunteered” for this mission, to go to this old dusty city, alone, and check the ruins of this place. I have a book full of stuff Leo found that will help, but I am not Astrarian. Why did I say yes to this again?  
After a day of doing a fulfilling chores, I close my eyes, hope, and then dream, as one does. It repeats yet again, the dream that’s been affecting me ever since I knew we were headed towards Astraria. A weird feeling arises, I hear a voice call out in a hushed tone and again I can’t tell what it's saying. A strange feeling in my chest, and I am surrounded by another pink mist, like clockwork. This dream is getting kind of boring. I walk, in hopefully a new direction, each dream, sometimes away from the voice, other times towards, but yeah, I am probably just cursed, which goes pretty par for the course in terms of my luck. This time, the voice is in front of me, and I shrug, and try walking, not away from it or towards it, but like maybe if I act all indifferent like I don’t hear it, it will leave me alone. I start walking rightwards, with a calm face, relaxed, and indifferent. As I walk, the mist parts as the path ahead of me continues. This is new. I continue walking forward. Step, step step, until the wind picks up. The wind picks up...? Huh? Oh, I’m falling. Fuck. The wind hits my face, I am unable to breathe, the voice turns unintelligible, and deafening and then...  
The breeze has died down, and my eyes open up to the brisk dusk air falling around me. I stand straight up and pant while dripping in sweat and sort of shake off the dream I had. I hold my head in my hands and just sort of shutter. I sort of raise my head and shout, “Okay, you know, when life was PLV, being alone was bad, but not this bad!” I sigh and get up and get ready to wash myself for the day, take off clothes, and wash them in the nearby stream to just get the sweat off of them. I brush my tusks, and bathe in the stream as I continue on. My face gets forced into a smirk thinking about the times I traveled with Leo and Eleanora as he gets flustered over me just taking a shower after I wake up, not even in front of him either so go figure. Then I sigh yet again. Alone. Pre-Leo Valcyne life sucked, and being without my friends sucks more. I need to hurry up and get back.  
As I finish getting myself cleaned, and dry the clothes, I get ready again and continue on my way to the point on the Map Leo pointed out. I pull out a few of the books that explains whatever the fuck it is I’m supposed to be looking for. The City of Valontana is supposedly some dead ruins off in the distance. Leo found some information that apparently that’s where a stockpile of old records of Astraria were stored, within some old church. Some of which may contain stuff about Leo’s dad that might help in the revolution. I saddle my horse, Janie, and get going down the unknown path supposedly leading me where I need to go.  
Days pass, as I eventually arrive in a small town with buildings made up of a mix of stone and wood, a skull-studded building that I definitely did not want to venture near, an old well in the middle, some more buildings labeled, and one house that seems to be much higher class compared to any of the others around here. I stop by and stand out quite a bit and get more than a few stares. As a 6’2 Orcish man, they can tell I am not an average Astrarian just stopping by. I tie my horse to a nearby pole, make sure to give him food and water available, and walk into what appears to be a bustling tavern. As I walk in, the voices all stop and heads turn.  
“What? Never seen a green elf with tusks before?”, I say with a chuckle, as the ramblings return back as they mind their own business, shocking considering the one Astrarian I knew did anything but. I come forward and sit at the bar, and motion for the bartender.  
“Boy, do I really need a drink. Get me whatever’s your strongest please.”, I say as I place some Vog Voduran gold down on the table. I made sure to trade to throw off any scent that I may be from Torduun, you know, considering incoming war and all.  
“What brings you to these parts, Mr…”, the bartender says as he signals for me to say my name. I take a better look at this Astrarian man who stands about 7 inches shorter than me, is quite bulky all things considered, and has red hair that comes down to half his face. A scar on his arm told me that he hasn’t always been some guy hiding behind a bar. I give a half smile and nod.  
“My name is Zed. Zed Stonebloom. You?”, I say in a nonchalant tit-for-tat manner.  
He pours out a liquor from his shelf into a glass and hands it over. “You can just call me Ray.”  
“There happen to be anything of note going on nearby? Say, maybe an abandoned city?”  
I take up my drink and gulp it down in one shot savoring the burn, “Well wow, this is some nice drink you have here.” I notice the bartender continue on cleaning a glass, quickly pouring another glass, and sidesteps my question and fixes his eyes solely on the drink.  
“Well, I hear Vog Vuldurian ale might pose quite a challenge to the drink here in Astraria. Are you perhaps in town with the Grand Duchess? If so, you might as well.. Er ask her for anything about that gods-forsaken place. I don’t need to be cursed or struck dead. If you plan to continue that, you can just take a bottle to go. I already told her everything she needs to know.”, he enunciates each word clearly, making sure I get the message. I simply nod, thank him for the drink, leave ten gold for the bottle, and walk on out taking a swig.  
Well, shit. I don’t know much about Leo’s sister but apparently she might be around here somewhere. Leo told me she helped him escape Astraria that first night, but also that she literally replaced him as Archduke so this might definitely overcomplicate stuff, especially if she is here after the same information I am.  
I take a look around town, and definitely avoid the Inn, although I doubt the Grand Duchess would stay there I could not be too sure. I head out into the grasslands on the outskirts of the town and make my camp there. I am okay with this, even if I do prefer a bed. I can’t be too careful. Luckily this long grass can be comfy, I guess. When setting up the may, I put my bedroll down, have the Janie let go to graze on the grass nearby.  
“Good girl, sorry I had you all tied up back there.” I whisper softly while brushing her mane, and holding her softly. She goes off to graze on a few purple daffodils nearby, while I lay back down, and dread closing my eyes. And still the darkness creeped up.  
Pink mist yet again clouds my vision, whispering words to me, the fluttering sounds like it is walking towards me. “Hello? Hello? Hello?” It is the first time I have ever heard it speak clearly. “Why are you doing this to me? Leave me alone! And why pink? Why why pink?!” I sort of laugh in a confused way, and the strange feeling in my chest continues.  
“Fuck”, the words come out of my mouth before I realize, this pulsing pressure within me and I just start running towards the voice trying to find out what the hell is going on.  
“No, fuck you! Leave me the hell alone! I can’t sleep in peace, and I have a job to do!” the voice continues on and on, as I run towards it, and the mist parts yet again, as I run and run as the incline for the path of me increases and increases and increases until the wind picks up. The wind picks up? Of course, it fucking happens again. I’m falling. In the distance, I reach out to the echo copying my descent into the waking world. Left with only the thoughts that I am not alone in this curse repeating over and over in my head.


	2. Not Forgotten

We’ve been in this town for a couple days now. We are staying at the local noble’s house, who has so graciously offered us his home to house Phirora Valcyne, Grand Duchess. A noble sacrifice he is sure to brag about to other Nobles as he expresses his support for her legitimacy in her position. Still, I have to stay close to Phi. Kalessa and I have noticed her being quite distracted upon arriving in this town, not that she hasn’t been super distracted for months now. I mean with Leo mounting a possible assault on his homeland, her being sent to continue doing menial duties such as visiting dignitaries to ensure they wouldn’t flip flop to support Leo on his tyrant rampage. Don’t get me wrong, I like Leo and all, but when he goes so far as to put Phi in possible danger with all of his mess, and all the stress Phi has been under, I will always put my goal to protect her first, both as my job, and her friend.  
“Fen, why are you staring at me with that face? I can tell you want to say something. Just say it.”, says a distracted Phi, who’s been trying her best to act as normal as she can and keeping up appearances, but I can tell she’s getting ready to do it again. To vanish in the middle of the night without a word, and refuse to let either Kalessa or I to come along and help her.  
“You know what’s bothering me, Phi, or at least most of it.” I retort with a look of smug knowing but then put my head down remembering my station. “Sorry, I haven’t been getting much good sleep lately. I worry about you, you know.”  
“Why are you worried about her? No matter what she always seems to have a handle on what she does, but it would be nice if she’d let me help more.” The voice comes from none other than Kalessa Petris who is suddenly standing up between me and Phi.  
“I will never get how you do that so quickly and quietly, Kalessa. Oh, forget it. I didn’t trance enough for this. Phi.”, I say looking up towards her by extending my head out to look at her while Kalessa is actively trying to block me from saying anything. “Kalessa and I are here for you no matter what. Please depend on us the way you are having us depend on you through whatever it is you are doing.” Kalessa moves out of my way and we both look at Phi with forceful eyes.  
Phi looks down then looks up at both of us and starts, “Fen, Kalessa. We’ve been over this. I need you to trust me right now. It just isn’t saf-”  
“Apparently it was never safe for us, since everyone I’ve ever trusted has been lying to my face. You know I trust you more than anyone else in the world right now, but I still need you to let me help you.” Kalessa says adamantly as Phi sighs and puts a hand to her head.  
“Thank you guys for being there for me, believe me. It means more than you know. I just can’t right now.” Phi puts aside whatever she was working on and heads out for some fresh air, and motions for Kalessa to come with, then looks to me as if remembering something, “I need to clear my head, and no this isn’t a disappearing act, I promise. Fen, you’ve been a bit tired lately too. Why not go out for a breather and check out the town? For security reasons?”  
“So… Busy work?” I mutter out with a sigh of defeat. And Phi kind of nods in response and Kalessa giggles as they go on a walk together to clear their heads. My trances really have been all kinds of messy, but wow have I been slipping. I go out and do my daily training routine, after an hour, I clean up and head off to the town. Phi and Kalessa both still have not returned, not that it’s something all that unusual at this point, so I take Phi’s advice and head into town.  
In contrast with the Noble’s manor, which is a marvel of architecture and Astrarian engineering, the town is lackluster. I follow my nose to the tavern, and walk up to the bartender working. I notice the man on duty is quite bulky and my eyes linger on his shoulders and his arms, and his eyes are quite pointed, and my mind begins to wander. I wonder what his training routine is, maybe I can become as bulky as he is. Should I focus more on my chest area, or maybe lift some more things? His arms are huge, like I am sure he could pick me up and carry me aroundpretty easily. I wonder why he’s a bartender, what did he do before?  
“Ahem, can I help you?” I suddenly notice the bartender has a bit of a quizzical, yet intrigued look as I realize my eyes have been lingering a bit too long.  
“Wha- huh?” I shake my head hearing his words pierce my ears while I was analyzing his workout routine.  
“I mean, you’ve been staring at me for quite a while, and I was just wondering if you were going to order something? You new around here? Visitors aren’t quite common around here, and there’ve been quite a lot the last couple days. To get it over with, I’m Ray. You are?”, he says, still giving me a bit of an analyzing look while I try push through the shock he gave me.  
“Um- uh yeah um Fenandrys Tomaer is my name!” I say stammering over all of my words trying to recover from embarrassment, as my cheeks turn into a darker shade of blue. “Sorry, I was just thinking about your training routine, you are quite er- swole as they say. Um okay, I just came by because the food here smelled really good, you got anything with like cheese on it or something?” Ray lifts his head in a laugh.  
“Cheese is a bit of a delicacy in these parts, we do have some however, but it’ll cost ya.” Ray gives me some bread with melted cheese and cooked meat on it then frowns and looks at me. “By chance, are you also with the Grand Duchess?” I look at him, very aware of his stature and his potential to be a threat. Maybe this trip to town wasn’t such a bad thing if I do find a security risk.  
“Why do you ask?” I say as I cough choking on my sandwich, as I struggle to clear my throat.  
“Just don’t ask me again about the Silent Cities. You’ve asked me too many things already and I am pretty sure I am going to get cursed anytime soon, but just in case I am, those questions are blocked. Understood?” He says while emphatically waving one of his expensive glass mugs around after every word. Message received. Threat identified. And acknowledged by a muffled ‘Mhm’ from my sandwich filled eating hole. I put down 15 gold and swallow my bite.  
“Can I get another sandwich to go and maybe a drink, and I’ll be out of your hair. Just stay away from the Grand Duchess and you’ll be fine.” I try to give a cool smile, as he gives me another sandwich and I begin trying to awkwardly hold all of the food and my cup of ale in my arms and head back out to look around the town more and think on what Ray had just told me.  
I walk around and listen to kids playing, and people going about their day to day lives. Just a normal day in Astraria as war looms, and a lot of not so fun things come towards us. I walk down and hear their shouts of childhood joy and get reminded of my past with everyone when things were a bit simpler. And now Phi is sneaking around asking big buff- like really buff bartenders stuff about abandoned cities literally full of disease without me, her literal bodyguard, to come with her and help. I shove the rest of my first sandwich into my mouth, and wrap the rest of it in fabric and prepare to offer it to Phi and Kalessa, it’s pretty good. I’m sure they’d like it.  
I get back to the manor and walk past the nobles, nod my head, and go into the enclosed area we are currently occupying. I cut the sandwich into halves, cook some eggs to place as some toppings for the meat, and pour some drinks for them when they come back, and prepare an Astrarian card game for us all to play. I may not be the best Cross and Bones player, but you bet I will put up a fight. I tidy up around after Phi, put away some of the pens and ripped notes she left behind, with nothing of importance on them. She is too meticulous to leave something behind for me to read.  
When they get back a bit more relaxed and calm, I smile. I’m just glad Phi can still take some time for herself to be happy, despite all of this surrounding her.  
“I made you guys some food, want to play Cross & Bones? I went around time, and marked a few people who might be a bit of a security risk, so my busy work paid off, Phi.” I laugh out the words as they walk in hopeful to keep their moods up and not let the stress sink back in.  
“Thanks Fen! This looks great!”, Kalessa says as she drags Phi over to the table and makes her sit down at a plate. While Phi looks to me in appreciation and I return a smile.  
“I got this from a cool bartender in town. He was… nice.” I mention haphazardly as to see if Phi gives some sort of reaction to me meeting the bartender, which she doesn’t, and sort of brushes it off until she notices the Cross & Bones game. Naturally, I expected this.  
“Okay, well this time, I won’t let you win, Phi! I don’t know how you always beat us, but prepare to get defleshed!” I say indignantly. Cut to an hour later, when I get fully defleshed. “Get her, Kalessa! She can’t always beat us in this!” Phi places down a cross card, and Kalessa matches it.  
“You know I got it locked in this time!” Kalessa guffaws with a flair.  
“You’ll see when I pull out the last Cross card!” I watch as Phi says this confidently and draws another card, being her third and final skull as she sits there defeated, while Kalessa and I shout in joy!  
“And then this means that I…” Kalessa reaches forward and draws the final card to get the last Cross card available. “... win this time, Phi.”  
“Alright, alright. It is just a game, but good job Kalessa.” Phi says hands raised in defeat, until she looks at me. “Nope! No. No, Fen we’re done with this. Go trance already. You look so tired.”  
“Nooo,” I mumble in response while we all head to our separate rooms and prepare to trance.  
Okay, tonight will be different. Dreams are just dreams. They have no power over me. I will get my full trance in, and it will not affect me. Elves barely dream, so I shouldn’t even dream as much as I am, so it’s obviously something to do with my training not being enough. I smack my face, get things ready and sprawl out to sleep. Two hours pass and I am still not asleep. I armor up and step outside, to do a quick perimeter check of the manor to pass the time, and run into Phi, yet again leaving.  
“Couldn’t sleep again, huh?” I say startling her as she, while hooded prepares to sneak away.  
“You were the one half asleep in there, Fen. I’m surprised you didn’t instantly begin snoring,” she sighs and continues, “You know I can’t have you following me. You know it puts you in danger and that something is going on both in and out of Astraria, related to this whole Leo and Sorran thing,”  
“What does that have to do with the Silent Cities?,” The words come out of my mouth before I am ready to let them go. The silence and look in her eyes is deafening as she purses her lips and turns around to face me.  
“Alright, what do you know and what can you do?” Phi looks to him with a raised eyebrow.  
“I can be someone you can actually trust, Phi. I’ve always been someone you can trust, and I’ve wanted to be that friend for you that you could tell anything to. I am your bodyguard, in service of Astraria, but first and foremost, I am loyal to you. To me, you are Astraria. Also I know nothing about the Silent Cities.” I say with my head held in defeat.  
“You know, if Kalessa knew even that she would’ve followed me quietly to the Silent Cities, not confront me. You really are clueless. Alright, let’s go. I got to be back before Kalessa wakes up. Us being elves really gives us a big time crunch in terms of sneaking out in the middle of the night.” Phi responds with an amused face. And we begin our night trip to the Silent Cities.


End file.
